Waiting

People hate to wait. I won't say I love it, but I don't mind it. Of course, it totally depends upon when and what you are talking about. But I am talking of normal situations on normal days- like waiting at the doctors chamber for a minor fever, waiting in lines for food, or waiting for someone to arrive with a package. It could be anything. There is a limit to everything although- timelines, schedules, deadlines, and no one has forever. You try to get the work done fast, and as soon as possible. But let's say- things fall out of your hands, and you don't control it anymore. I have found, that you can make better use of your time if you just accept that exact fact sometimes. It frees up your own mindspace and time so that you can make use of it for other things lined up. Also that, grumbling isn't very helpful. In fact, maybe it's just me, but I find waiting time quite nice. It gives me a little pause. Not one I deliberately intended to take, but one almost granted to me. This pause you could use for thinking, listening to music, reading, talking to your friend or sibling or parent, or just being still and thinking nothing, take a few breaths and enjoy or review the view around you- wherever you may be. In fact, when they say the journey is the real deal not the destination- maybe this applies in this situation too. Sometimes, when I am en route, I wish that the road wouldn't end, and the journey would go on, it gives me that much more time to myself, and be and absorb.

Batter the heart and make me new

An Extract from a classic.

Amongst my favourite poets is John Donne- I like him for his forceful writing, choice of words and heavy symbolism and alliteration. He has an ability to write about love and religion with the same passion and conveys his thoughts beautifully.

Batter my heart, three person’d God; for, you

As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;

That I may rise, and stand, o’erthrow mee,’and bend

Your force, to breake, blowe, burn and make me new.

Asks God (Trinity as in Christianity) to batter his heart, but God maybe seeks to knock in order to mend. He wants God to bend his way and use force, to blow or burn such that he may rise and stand and make him new. 

Who redeems?

The question that often I think about is who redeems for a wrong that you have done. Looks like I am going to tread upon the delicate area of what is wrong or right. In my books what is wrong is when harm is done to another person. Let me keep to that.

When I think about what is there to life anyway- I think that the people you meet in your life, were close to, who influenced your life, became a part of your life are the important things. People who remotely touched your life at any point of time, people who made you laugh, people who made you cry and people who disturbed you, people who enabled you. People who loved you and people who cared about you, people who thought of little things that mattered to you. Basically people who have been there for you in some way or the other or for little time or more. Those people and those emotions are the things you remember years later, as life moves on and as time flows by. 

I come back to my original question: who redeems? You, yourself and no one else is my guess. Because life is a cycle, and it all comes back to you. They say, all actions are inspired by that moment of time, the mindset at that point of time and sometimes the actions that you do are just a stroke of bad judgement. There are some things that cannot be redeemed, that should not be redeemed. Because if someone went through that pain that you caused, for something you did or said, you should go through it too. In fact it's good to go through that pain. You accept and embrace that pain and you know that to live again, and to feel again you have to first forgive yourself. Whether you deserve any more, that's really not a question for now. You may think what you want to, you may want what you want. But really, God is watching and he will dole out the justice, he is there for that. He is watching you do your bit, your own journey, your own efforts. When it's enough, it's over. You will know that it's enough and over. He gives everyone a chance, to prove it to him, by proving it to yourself, that you really mean it.

The Great Gatsby

In one word it was mesmerising. I was quite waiting for this movie, even though I Haven't really read the book, ( thus my views could be divergent; disclaimer) but I do know its quite a classic, and have read some extracts online. I saw some reviews of it before I went for this movie, and some of it spoke about it being disappointing. I thought nothing of the sort. For me it was a brilliantly executed movie, which had perfectly stunning visuals, and in 3D it was magical! Leo was ever charming, and Tobey played his confidante part perfectly. The story though nothing too new, in the backdrop of the First World War, how lovers got estranged and reunited (?) etc. But it was his mysterious come back story which is the intriguing part, and also all the things he does to get her back, all the splendour in his grand grand house parties, (mansion, I should say), and all the dimness in his Life without her, who he truly is and what he does, what he really feels no one knows, and slowly the story is unveiled. It is the story and the locale: New York seems more alluring than ever, after the movie. The character sketches so well played out, in the backdrop of love and deceit, of secrets and more. But above all, it's the dream life that he builds, that is so identifiable and like 'oh yeah', but still the base emotion remains that it was all for that one person who couldn't be a part of it, as he had dreamed. Thus all the stunning visuals and the great big 'NYC baby!' party he was having sadly ends. And its all the narration, and over voice, and deep little lines that come up once in a while in the movie here and there, which grabs your attention. And then would come all those punch lines, especially ones like : “I was within and without. Simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.” And what do you say to Fitzgerald for a line like that? Isn't it everyone's truth of life?

Movie viewing and me

Every time I see a movie, it's like it leaves an indelible mark on me, and for ages, I have been like the silent observer, where I just view a movie, tweet about it, lay on my bed stare at the ceiling think about It, and then eventually Real Life starts closing in on you and then you give in, and slowly it becomes  a faded part of a little something you had once viewed.

But not this time. I decided to let more people in to my thoughts, it's good really. What if there are more people out there who had felt the same, thought the same thoughts. Most of the times, in a movie, I am so involved in the movie, I am the lead character, so really that's the reason I can never judge a movie to be bad, because really speaking I was part of it all along. Thus the only thing I can judge is mostly how impactful was it? 

Every time I feel I lived a new life, with every movie. A journey starts and ends within the 120 or 150 mins. In Bollywood cases 180 mins. Usually I cannot comment as a film critic, like in the specifics and technicals of movie making, because for me it's all about the feel. How much of faith and belief did I put into the movie while I was watching it? For me a movie is not just a movie for "time pass", or just for killing some extra time I got on hands and it's not also about just forgetting my worries of my real life and escaping into another world, or another life, (though sometimes it happens), but it's about experience. It's all about experience in fact. It's about experiencing colours of Life, black white, sometimes dark and dingy sometimes clear and bright, and sometimes shiny and spectacular.

You could be anywhere, sometimes alleyways and underground, sometimes on the top of the tallest buliding, sometimes beside the ocean, sometimes at the bottom of it, sometimes in the best parties, sometimes at worst slums. You can be anyone, an actor, a philanthropist, a banker, an artist, a social worker, an author, a doctor, or a mountaineer. 

And it's about people and emotions, and how different people in the world think, and what motivates people for their thoughts and actions. Really speaking, it's about uncovering all that you want to know, and it's about discovering yourself in the process, of who you really are. You can basically live a million lives, all in the one you already have. 

Pondicherry, the quaint getaway

The little French colony hidden away from the hustle bustle that is India. Pondicherry. The union territory. The place, where I felt, worries were left behind, people walked into this town, or rather this part of the town, near the sea shore, to relax, de stress, and ponder over life. There are many many tiny cafes, get some lovely snacks to eat, great coffee, and some buns, croissants, and cakes. I stayed at a street called Dumas street, it runs parallel to the sea, and this street is lined with little adjoined colonial houses, some great architecture, colourfully painted houses, with flowers hanging out from over the verandas, some long wooden panelled glass windows, very French, and lovely lamps on the outside of the houses, either on the walls looking out to the street, or as a lamp just near the door. It all gave the aura, of peace, and culture, heritage, art. And then on this street is the alliance Francis, (pronounced Allionz Fronse, as I understood it), where there are multiple programs held everyday-plays, concerts, movie screenings etc. There is a particularly nice place to hang out, wine and dine called le club, a lot of tourists come out there, As they have a restaurant and pub with a lot of green cover, and good music, and an atmosphere to really lay back and enjoy the evening. And a cafe that I would recommend is coffee.com, they have really great chocolate cake, and hot chocolate, it's really nice to see people who come there with a set of books, to either study, research, or read a book, basically these are the regulars, who are here in Pondicherry with a purpose. The sea shore, is really a rocky beach, in this part of the town, there is a clear sandy beach, which I could not visit, and also Auroville, which is really a must visit, I did go uptill there, but unfortunately could not go inside the premises, due to lack of time, but then after this visit I am rest assured that I will be going back there very soon, so I will not miss out on that! And besides, I really got the feeling that its a place, where one must go for a longer period of time, with an agenda to spend some time in solitude, and to rejuvenate. And it's got to be much much more than just 2 days! But what I had over the weekend, is what I consider a sneak peak, which I hope to follow up with a very detailed insight soon! Au Revoir for now!

Volunteer for a day @ Teach For India

I just happened to meet some fellows for the prestigious and noble 'Teach for India' campaign. It was such a great thing interacting with all of them. It felt as if they are following their passion and doing something noble at the same time. They all inspired me and I said I would like to volunteer and help out if I could. Thus one fine morning I headed out to a municipal school situated almost 30 Kms from my campus where I was studying. I was excited and much looking forward to it as it was to be something different that I was going to do. On finally reaching there I came across a huge compound and then found the building and ran up 3 flights of stairs and here I finally arrived at the class I was supposed to be at. It was Class II (my memory fails me as to which section it was). Nevertheless my friend introduced me to the class and said she is your teacher for today, it felt a little weird on hearing the word "teacher" at first, but then it struck me that's the role I was going to have to play out for the rest of the day.

My friend then announced that I am going to be taking their maths class, ( Secretly I think he was happy that he could actually take a breather in the mean time, but he knew not then that it wouldn't happen). They all looked up at me curiously and incredulously (like how we would look if we saw someone new not from our office hang out with our boss). I really had thought it no big deal to teach some tiny kids multiplication and division. Ha! Much mistaken I was. What I had failed to realize was that kids are impatient. And before I could even start the assignment these kids were all over the place, jumping here and here. Making noise, playing catch catch right in the same room! And I had to call my friend right back and he told me to be stern with them, no problem! I tried my best, coaxed a little, motivated a little. Finally I got at least a lot of them to finish their work.

Then at lunch time I got them some chocolates and stationery for the kids in the class, they seemed so excited at the prospect of new things. Such cute innocent little buggers, all surrounding me waiting expectantly, surprisingly well behaved suddenly. Finally I gave them their due. All in all, To say the least it was an awesome experience. It was a lesson in Patience, innocence, simplicity and passion for spreading good. I was inspired. At how much change can happen but at the grassroot level. Kids at this age are so impressionable and if there are some good folks to teach and guide them,  it goes a long way. Education is such a medium for mass effects almost, changing society through changing human behaviour. It is thanks to my friend completely. He is now almost nearing the end of his fellowship, fundraising now for a project of his for his school. I wish him luck, and all the people like him, who are working for improvement and change, and contributing to society, and want to continue doing so.